I am Optimistic
No, really! lol.
It's fun as I write these polemics and a lot has changed even from Chicago, where even as I write the polemics and typically chuckle a bit as I write, not so much as a matter, of not taking what i say seriously, but uderstand where I'm and where this writing is at. It's very much of a time, where i am going through this insane process of ethnographic experimentation and complete dissatisfaction with my surroundings. Just this place that looks so cool, like the Taj Majal, but when you open it up, when you study it, when you get to know the place, it's...kind of boring. It bustles, it hustles to the point of corruption, but ultimately, it does so without much soul. That to me is Chicago, gorgeous, adorned with cultural institution, but ultimately cold and devoid of creativity. But I'm Optimistic, lol. Meaning, I know what I want, and what I don't want. And part of that includes my writings and informatics...I want this. And it's not me writing for others...I don't really care so much about that, but rather, this experimentation and the play with the words....that's interesting to me. That's a life worth living rather than simply drifting away into happy oblivion . I want to work in places where what you see is what you get, and by that I don't mean people who act like what you see is what you get, with this propped up bravado that smacks of insecurity. Which at my last place of work, there were a lot of good things, in terms of the people I worked with. However, ultimately the line of work, how you have to work in that particular profession......the pretension that comes along with some of it....i don't want it. Nope. No sir. No ma'am. That's not me. But I am grateful for that particular opportunity, but ultimately for me, I'm ready to mosey on over to the direction that I want to go....Should be fun. We shall see. In the end I am optimistic, but I will write lots, and lots of polemics, and say all of the gnarly things that will shock and awe the irrationalist, but for the rationalist they should be laughing by now. Meaning, they had the rigor to follow the methodology and know that this is.......pure insanity, and yet, new, different, and prudent. It's a project that will always be difficult for one to wrap their head around unless they make the effort. And it's very much in the tradition of polemics...that, once upon a time, was a pretty big part of the US, and not in the sense of damnation, but in the sense of letting those know, who do not so great things, we actually know what you are doing and if you step out of line, start involving people who have no business being involved, where coming down on you like a house of bricks. That' used to be there to protect the margins, and it's largely not there anymore. It's a problem.
And no, it's not about negativity, and no it's not about having the answers or being perfect, it isn't about anything really, other than the production of the informatic, and continuing on in an optimistic manner. To know that although my, somewhat useless to others project, of this polemic project has done a lot to help develop and test a method for libriatics.org, something that can help people. And yes I suppose if I would keep my mouth shut I could be this cardboard cut out of nothing, since I actually do look good on record...accolades galore, etc...But that's just it, America has always had its cutouts, but they were distinctly American. Now to be a cutout it seems one has to be a little less distinct, if you will. And there is this knew push to be that honey, that sweet spot that catches the bees, and being that sweet spot nowadays largely involves doing things that work against the values of the US. I'm not into that. Nor am I into the cynics who assert every negative characterization that they possibly can, like, he just likes to hear himself talk etc... I mean, see it how you want. Typically I prefer to keep quiet, but I've learned that these not so kind figures want me to talk, and I give them the show....and they'll hang from what they run with, not by my own brilliance, but by the design that history has already laid out. There is a reason why the founders of America won out....there are rules to the game that were here before we arrived on this stage, and they will remain when we leave...you don't do bad by people and get away with it, even if you smile through the process and keep your network as hermetic as possible. That rock will feed the ocean. And if someone actually read their ancients they know what that means.
And ultimately it's knowing that there really isn't anything new under the sun is where I think I find my foundation for optimism. Trace the pattern, understand your surroundings and who you are, and go in that direction. For me, it's been a long and difficult journey, but considering the train wreck of growing up in an environment that wasn't so much about me, and more about my tendencies, my need for help....I'd say I'm dong okay. I hate drugs, so that kept me alive, and school, even with mountains of debt gave me a shot at not self-destructing...people underestimate the rigors of the mind, and the value of education as education, as a rigorous cultivation....and btw, that differs greatly from the rigors of life's experience...and that's been good too. And there there is this opening in terms of understanding my experience today, of this souring and comfort. Of this transition from being in-concern, to being-in-the-world., if you will, and this forward looking existence of being in-care, which is already happened a little.
[For informatic production]
